Know your audience

It’s a strange thing. One morning, you wake up and you see the world differently. The sky is bluer, the sun is warmer and brighter, the grass is greenier, the birds are singier, and you can hear God’s voice. He’s talking clearly, in short words, and with a strong sentiment. It’s your vocation. You now know what your entire life has been building up to. You’ve found out why you’re here, and what your place is in shaping civilisation. It’s your true vocation.

You know you are a carpet fitter.

Some are called to God, some to the army, but for me it was always music. I’d love to say it’s my creative chi, or something equally hippyish but I’m not French or from the ’60s. The thing is, when you finish playing and 800 people clap and cheer there’s no feeling in the world that’s better. And somehow, just somehow, I don’t think you get that same buzz after you’ve fitted two new Goodyears to some knackered Ford Escort, or when you’ve unblocked someone’s U-bend.

You may have noticed the seemingly random collection of music links down there on the right. Then again you may never have looked over there, so let me assure you there is a seemingly random collection of links down there. And I’m going to add to them. Before reading on, try this cello version of Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, or this cool New York cello and Jazz singer duet.

You see, over the years I’ve tried all sorts of music. I’ve played jazz piano, and later Jazz bass in swing bands and quartets. I’ve played electric bass and electric guitar in bands. I’ve played electric cello on cd’s and at live gigs. I think it’s probably been in the quest for a bigger applause. Bands get more raptuous applause. They don’t just get an audience, they get fans.

Stand in front of a group of marketing bods in grey Burton’s suits and give a Powerpoint presentation on the latest sales in Rotherham and you’ll get mild-mannered applause. Stand on stage and play music to them and you’ll get adoration. The marketing bods all think they can do just as good a presentation, but few audience members sit there thinking they could get up and play all of the instruments simultaneously.

There have been a few times in life my musical aspiration has gone astray, of course. Times when playing music became about being better than something, somebody, reaching a certain mark, achieving some kind of percieved ideal or goal. Thankfully it has always passed quickly, but I see it more and more these days in others and it’s spreading like a disease.

Teachers and musical institutions can spend all the time they want coming up with ideas, printing colourful posters and attractive brochures to try to get children playing instruments, and keep them playing. The way I see it, if you can get them hooked on that buzz of playing to others, there’s no way they’ll be able to give it up. Not even wearing a Mr Men tie to the office can bring that much of a smile to your face.