New Year’s Resolutions

Tis the season, so here goes:

1) Run the Marathon
2) Cycle at least 5 miles a day
3) Give up chocolate
4) Give up caffeine
5) Stop shouting at politicians on the TV
6) Form a rap group
7) Form an Evil Empire*
8) Buy Starbucks*
9) Stop making ludicrously ambitious New Year’s Resolutions

* These may be one of the same thing. They’re definitely not mutually exclusive.

I see David Cameron’s been making New Year’s resolutions. The Conservative party is going to be a party that repersents working people, and less of a party for the rich and powerful (note the word ‘less’ there). So it seems I’m not the only one making ludicrously ambitious New Year’s Respolutions with a smidgeon of dry humour. Apparently we’re also ‘going to see Labour’s Dark Side’ – use the force David, use The Force.

Statistical Review of the Year

‘Famous’ People spotted: 2
Paul Weller – Thornbury Chipshop, Gavin Henson – M4
Miles Driven in a car: 32,000 (approx)
Holidays: Jersey x 3
Iceland x 1
Aldeburgh x 4
Weddings Played for: 39
House Moves: 1
Items of Furniture Built: 11
Toilet Trips: Approx. 3,000
Sleep Hours: Approx. 2,500
Websites Built: 3
Photographs Taken: Approx. 2,000
Severn Bridge Crossings: Approx. 200 – costing @£1,000

Carbon Footprint: 11.5 tonnes/CO2
Trees to Offset: 18

Holidays on Ice

No, not Red Square, but in fact The Mall, Cribbs. After spending much of my youth roller-skating before progressing to a mountain bike, I was very chuffed to say ice-skating’s a doddle. The embarassing or hard part? When the guy in the boot booth asks, ‘what size?’ and you have to reply, ‘what’s the largest you’ve got?’. Big feet, big ice-skating boots. That’s how the saying goes.

The Man’s Guide to Christmas Shopping

No, not the man, or even yer man, but men/man plural, collectively so to speak.

I realise this may be a bit late what with it only being 3 days til Christmas, but I did most of my Christmas shopping yesterday and I’m sure I’m not the only one for whom today is payday.

Here’s where I think Christmas shopping goes wrong. If you walk in to most shops you will find a complete switch has taken place – men are looking at jewellers and perfumeries, and women are looking at shavers, gadgets and toothbrushes(!). Both parties are looking confused, a little out of their depths, and embarassed. The solution? Go up to a member of the opposite sex and propose a deal, that if you help them to choose something ‘nice’, they have to help you. Problem solved. No more tacky presents for women, no more electronic golfing gadgets from them. Yes, I admit this may lead to one or two marraige break-ups on Christmas morning (‘well, the nice Julie I went shopping with said it was nice…’), but the whole shopping experience would be better, and by introducing yourself to strangers and helping fellow mankind aren’t we just spreading the Christmas message?

My second advice to women is less simple. When shopping, don’t analyse what you’re looking at. If you’ve seen something that’s perfect for so-and-so, just get it. Looking around at similar things in several different shops isn’t going to make things better. Seen a nice necklace that’s perfect? Don’t go and look in every display in every shop adding more choices to the mix – you’ll end up with an impossible array of choices. Get it now, save yourself half an hour and several foot miles. Secondly, think before you enter a shop – can I get more than one of my gifts in here? If the answer is ‘no’ consider not going in. Prioritise and order your shopping – don’t keep returning to shops like women in a January sale.
I’ve completed my Christmas shopping in a record 100 minutes. I visited 8 shops, only having to return to 1 one of them for a second visit. I bumped into exactly zero people because I knew where I was going inside shops, and never queued needlessly. All is calm, all is well.
Merry Christmas one and all.

Waiting for a Greek God

I had the good fortune this week to have to wait in for a parcel. Many parcels arrive at our house, either as surprises for one another or as a result of my ocassional Ebay habit. Often you have to guess which day a parcel will arrive and wait around accordingly. I like to think of this as a fine art and a dying skill, which fortunately like the ability to make wooden boxes using tongue-and-groove joints, I have (thank you Castle Manor Upper School). Man delivers parcel, I sign, all is good.

Then comes a day when a parcel is given a delivery date. Delivery Date. De-Liv-ery Da-te. No, it doesn’t matter how I say it, it still seems to suggest the date of delivery. Apparently this is not so. In this day and age of Carbon offsets, and everyone being worried about Carbon Footprints, this is how I see it working. Let’s say for the sake of argument the delivery man fits 30 deliveries in his van each day. On Tuesday 30 people stay in waiting for their deliveries. On Wednesday, delivery guy ‘x’ turns up to deliver their parcels, only to find 20 or so of them aren’t in (afterall, they stayed in yesterday). ‘x’ returns to base to put those 20 parcels back on the shelf, and take out 30 new ones. Those of us who waited in call to complain. On Thursday, ‘x’ brings back out those 20 ‘failed deliveries’ plus 10 extras.

There are a number of problems with this system. Firstly, delicvery guy ‘x’ must be very demoralised in his work, spending all day as he does failing to get an answer at doors and driving around a full van. My parcel spends one day being chaufferred around in a van for no reason, before spending a second being usefully driven to my house. What a waste of a)wages, b)fuel, c)delivery guy ‘x’s energy, d)my time off. The ultimate irony? Presumably my parcel couldn’t be delivered on Tuesday because on Tuesday delievery guy ‘x’ was actually making the second trip to those houses he found empty on Friday (who had wasted their Thursday taking time off work), and had telephoned on Monday to rearrange delivery! I expect more from a Greek God, frankly.

One Blog and its readers

What is a blog for? Now that’s a neverending question that many people have tried to answer which, to be honest, can never be answered. Let’s try another… What is this blog for? Ah, now that I can answer. In a self-centred sort of way, this blog is for me. It seems selfish, but it’s true. At its basic level this blog is my workspace on the web – wherever I am in the world I can log on and quickly catch up with my friends, my most-read blogs and useful sites (hence the blogroll and site-seeing lists over there on the right). What are the posts for? Some posts are here to let friends and relatives know what I’m up to. Others are here to exhibit some of the photography work I do. Some are here as a sort of journal – a way of keeping things for posterity. At its crudest, the blog is here to attract traffic to my site, raising its profile and therefore my own. Last, and lowest on the purpose list, it’s here to entertain others (sorry readers, it’s harsh but true).

Blogs have all sorts of purposes. Some are for marketing purposes, some are a sideline of their jounalism (click here, or here). This one is here simply for me to write something. Afterall, I spent 3 years at University learning how to research and write intelligently. I then spent a year learning how to read, research, analyse and formulate my own thoughts in lucid writing with an extended vocabulary. I didn’t want to lose those skills that earnt me ‘firsts’. It just so happens that it’s the trendy thing to do at the moment – the must-have fashion accessory for any website.

It’s come to my attention that there are actually a number of people reading this blog. It’s not an easy blog to find – I don’t promote it as that’s not its point. It has very few links to it (every link I’ve ever placed to the site goes to the main site, not the blog). Therefore, if you’re reading this – remember you have chosen to read it, I’ve not pushed it in your face shouting, ‘Look! Look! Aren’t I great!’.

That said, I think my readers fall into one of these categories:

Close friends and relatives: “Hello”. You’re here to find out what I’m up to or how I’m feeling. Why haven’t you sent me an email? (Apologies if you have, I promise to get back to you within 12 months – I’m bad at replying to emails).

Prospective Employers/Colleagues: “Good Morning/Afternoon”. Please remember that this blog comes with the following disclaimer: “This blog does not convey or reflect the thoughts of my employers, family, friends, string quartet or colleagues – sometimes not even my own. It is a work of fiction to be read as such”.

Genuine readers who have stumbled upon the blog: “Halo, Bonjour, Shalom, Welcome”. I hope you’ve found the site interesting/relevant/useful/amusing. If so drop me a line.

Spammers and Lurkers: I know it’s bad ettiquette to berate your readers, but if you’re here for detrimental purposes please do everyone a favour – move on, step aside, there’s nothing to see here. If you’re here to leave comment spam, save us all time and go away. If you’re here to read this and make yourself feel better about yourself in relation to my own situation, move on. Stand up. Walk away from the computer. Go outside. Live. Find Friends. Find Love. Travel the world and see there’s life away from the small community you’re currently in. Be like everyone else – aware of your own insignificance in the big wide world. Bye.
Normal service will resume shortly.

Addendum to THAT Quartet Post

I’m glad to say that the friend that was upset by the post about a quartet gig and myself have sorted every thing out – and I apologise wholeheartedly for writing something which may have upset her. It was never meant to be anything bad about her or her quartet, and I’m sorry for those people who read it that way.

Here’s a nice serene picture of tranquility…

Go To The Matresses…

It’s Christmas. A time for giving, for sharing, peace on Earth and Goodwill to men. And it’s the time for going to the matresses, or at least it is for me. I love film quotations, and in this case a film quotation itself quoting another film, but it explains what I mean:

The Godfather is the I Ching. The Godfather is the sum of all wisdom. The Godfather is the answer to any question. What should I pack for my summer vacation? “Leave the gun, take the cannoli.” What day of the week is it? “Maunday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday.” And the answer to your question is “Go to the mattresses.”

You’re at war. “It’s not personal, it’s business. It’s not personal it’s business.” Recite that to yourself every time you feel you’re losing your nerve. I know you worry about being brave, this is your chance. Fight. Fight to the death.

Yes, okay, it’s from You’ve Got Mail, but it will explain what I’m up to at the moment.

I spent some time last month modifying my String Quartet’s website, but now the quartet itself is undergoing a few changes. In those distant dreamy times when we began all those years ago we were one of the only ones with a site. Now there are quite a few around and we’ve always strived to be different, and now is no exception. Exciting times, with some innovation going on behind the scenes which I think will offer wedding clients something new. A busy Christmas season, and with many of our dates already taken for next year we hope to add that little bit of extra sparkle to peoples’ days!

Watch this space – or rather the quartet one.

Enormous sense of Wellbeing

No really. I feel like I belong in a yoghurt advert. You know that line in Blur’s ‘Parklife’?, ‘I feed the pigeons, I sometimes feed the sparrows too, it gives me an enormous sense of wellbeing. Then I’m happy for the rest of the day…’. Well that’s me that is.

Normally stepping off an aeroplane (airplane to our American cousins out there), comes with it a sense of foreboding. That inevitable return to a mountain of post, mostly bills and pens from charities. Then there’s the change in the weather – which you have plenty of time to admire through the window as the luggage handlers find new and inventive ways of dropping your suitcase so that it starts looking completely un-suitcase like in terms of its relative proportions.

The thing is, I came to realise this was all overshadowed with returning to Cardiff, except this time I wasn’t, I was going to Bristol. No long journey, no Steel Girders to put down-payments on with the people at the Second Severn Crossing, no speed camera vans on every available outpost, no sense of doom. Nothing really.

Suitcases out of the car, and then it was on to the real raison d’etre of this post – shopping for supplies. A quick stumble to the butchers and I have 6 Homemade English Farmhouse sausages to cook for tea. Move 10 metres into the next shop along and I have a thinck-sliced organic harvester loaf, and some semi-skimmed courtesy of Jess’ Ladies (yes,an organic dairy in Idyllic Gloucestershire where they name the cows!), then a saunter back past the schools’ christmas trees home – Let’s see you do that with ease in Cardiff!

Then, to cap it all off, I’m looking at Oxfam Unwrapped (Christmas Gifts). My cheque for my ‘depping’ quartet gig is in the post. My Quartet has always worked on the basis that charities get a discount on our fees – it’s our way of donating back to the charity. As I can’t be sure this was done on my behalf, I’m donating part of my fee to charity – 100 free school meals to encourage children from poorer backgrounds into school, and the planting of 25 trees to provide food and shelter, and slow soil erosion.

The view from the rock

I was beginning to feel a little unfestive this year. Fortunately it’s been a case of another Christmas, another trip to Jersey (handsomely illustrated by my snap of St Hellier from above). Fantastic narration to Cinderella and Prokofiev, some William Tell, a few other nuggets, then on to carols for 800-plus people for the second time in 2 weeks. The Jersey Symphony Orchestra celebrates 20 years in style.

It’s not just that though. Everywhere’s decorated. Everyone’s smiling. There’s a real sense of community, and whilst everyone is out buying gifts, it’s not the crushing crowds of shoppers in one thronging mass you see elsewhere. I arrived a candidate for Scrooge, but go back relaxed, serene and ready for Goodwill and peace to all men. Let’s see how long it lasts!