Selling Houses

As a student I grew to gain a sort of enjoyment from the daily deluge of pamphlets and advertisements that came through the letterbox, partly because they weren’t bills. They mesmerised with their bright colours and swirly patterns. They hypnotised you with dreams of faraway places or luxury goods. Or they made you feel slightly queasy with images of plastic-looking pizzas or pre-digested baltis the like of which were normally the preserve of the pavements on a Sunday morning.

Now I’ve moved up the property hierarchy and those leaflets have been replaced with more simple ones in primary colours and Times New Roman fonts from estate agents. “We are looking for properties in your area”, “Buyer waiting to move in in your postcode”, “Top prices paid for your property”, “Thinking of moving?” they all shout in your face. If you read on further they flatter you by saying how your postcode is sought after for its ‘excellent location’, ‘fantastic setting’ and ‘spacious properties’. They also all say how they are ‘selling properties in your street now’. Flattery will get you everywhere in most forms of selling, but aren’t they trying to persuade me to move out?

There is of course a reason why people want to live where I live – it’s a nice place to live. They hit the bullseye from the word go by saying how nice the area was. That’s why I chose to live here. It’s why I like living here. It’s why I don’t plan to move  in the near future. I also can’t help thinking that if I was a) ever likely to be a property owner in this area and b) thinking of moving, telling me how fantastically placed and valuable my house was would make me think twice about risking moving into some shadowy darklands frequented by hooded teens called ‘Bradley’ and drug dealers in cars only needed in the more treacherous parts of the Amazon.

So, estate agents of the Chipping Sodbury area here’s a suggestion for the next leaflet – ‘Tired of living in a tranquil and safe setting? Tired of always finding your car where you left it? Want to live somewhere where you need a burglar alarm? We can advise you on more exciting and less salubrious locales whilst finding a family with 2.5 children to move into your paradise home. Call… and mention our risk-taker offer.’

That should help boost their sale sheets I would imagine…