Subliminally Sublime

We’ve all known for a while that a product can be plucked from mediocrity into being something exotic by applying an unexpected accent. I’m quite happy to refer to an apartment rather than a flat, alluding to the idea that it’s spacious and well-appointed, and hadn’t been lived in just 3 days prior by a fat guy called Mike with ketchup stains all down the front of his faded Def leppard T-shirt.

But I’m sorry people at L’Oreal, you’ve pushed me too far with your latest fake tan product. They key word there is ‘fake’. We know it’s run-of-the-mill, and will never be exclusive. Calling it ‘L’Oreal Sublime Tanning Lotion’ is fine, but don’t prounce sublime ‘suebleem’ and expect us to think it’s exotic, exquisite, exclusive and loads of other things beginning with ‘ex’. We knew all too well what it was about. The thing is, by applying the French=exotic rule to just one word has all the effect of a Chigwell School-run Mum standing at the gates in the latest Kate Moss Topshop designs trying desperately hard not to spill the contents of her Creme Egg on her brilliant white kitten heels.

So there you have it. Poncey accents do not equal turning left when you board the plane.