The Man’s Guide to Christmas Shopping

No, not the man, or even yer man, but men/man plural, collectively so to speak.

I realise this may be a bit late what with it only being 3 days til Christmas, but I did most of my Christmas shopping yesterday and I’m sure I’m not the only one for whom today is payday.

Here’s where I think Christmas shopping goes wrong. If you walk in to most shops you will find a complete switch has taken place – men are looking at jewellers and perfumeries, and women are looking at shavers, gadgets and toothbrushes(!). Both parties are looking confused, a little out of their depths, and embarassed. The solution? Go up to a member of the opposite sex and propose a deal, that if you help them to choose something ‘nice’, they have to help you. Problem solved. No more tacky presents for women, no more electronic golfing gadgets from them. Yes, I admit this may lead to one or two marraige break-ups on Christmas morning (‘well, the nice Julie I went shopping with said it was nice…’), but the whole shopping experience would be better, and by introducing yourself to strangers and helping fellow mankind aren’t we just spreading the Christmas message?

My second advice to women is less simple. When shopping, don’t analyse what you’re looking at. If you’ve seen something that’s perfect for so-and-so, just get it. Looking around at similar things in several different shops isn’t going to make things better. Seen a nice necklace that’s perfect? Don’t go and look in every display in every shop adding more choices to the mix – you’ll end up with an impossible array of choices. Get it now, save yourself half an hour and several foot miles. Secondly, think before you enter a shop – can I get more than one of my gifts in here? If the answer is ‘no’ consider not going in. Prioritise and order your shopping – don’t keep returning to shops like women in a January sale.
I’ve completed my Christmas shopping in a record 100 minutes. I visited 8 shops, only having to return to 1 one of them for a second visit. I bumped into exactly zero people because I knew where I was going inside shops, and never queued needlessly. All is calm, all is well.
Merry Christmas one and all.