Top Ten Top Tens

I’m a big fan of Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity, mostly because I can relate to the the characters’ constant desire to relate life events to music, more precisely musical ‘top threes’. At the opposite extreme is Channel Four’s constant advertising dead-horse The 50 Top door handles or whatever it is Jimmy Carr is currently preparing a greasy-smooth voice-over for. Somewhere in the middle ground I place ‘Hall of Fames’ and Top Ten’s by institutional publications such as ‘Q’ or ‘NME’, but I’m fast losing my faith in those too.

In the last week we have seen Virgin’s ‘Top 100 Rock Heroes’ and XFM’s inaugural band Hall of Fame. Sure, rock ‘n’ roll has always backed a good loser – from the bathroom death of a burger-clutching Elvis, to the ham sandwich eating Mama Cass, and the fast driving chic of Marc Bolan – but it appears the latest batch Rock Icons really are losers. I think it’s more an issue with the word ‘Hero’. Sure, Kurt Cobain’s top of the list, and as part of the Grunge generation he’s unlikely to be usurped as a rock icon for me, but the life of the rifle-weilding fame-fearer is far from ‘heroic’. Pete Doherty is second, and whilst he certainly is taking his job seriously, trying to single-handedly embody Oliver Reed, Keith Moon and Iggy Pop, he smacks more of idiocy and naivity.

The XFM’s Hall of Fame isn’t much better. XFM is giving it’s listeners the chance to induct the first band into its Hall of ‘Fame’. We have 5 bands to choose from; Nirvana, The Clash, Oasis, Muse and Radiohead. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all good bands, but what have they given us? Nirvana were the figureheads of Seattle Grunge, but go to Seattle today and you’ll see statues to the city’s favourite son Jimi Hendrix rather than any Geffen prodigy. The Clash were riding on the New Wave of Punk, and whilst ‘London’s Burning’ is iconic, few today could name any of their songs which hadn’t advertised Levi 501’s. Oasis managed to kill Britpop, perhaps the best thing to happen in English music since Punk. Radiohead gave an outlet to a disenfranchised student minority (I still love the line ‘kicking squealing Guci little piggy’), and Muse? I mean, Muse?

I’m beginning to feel a little bemused by the younger generation’s distorted view of rock’s past. I know each generation is supposed to pour scorn on new music, but I grew up listening to my parents’ vinyls, respecting what had been and placing newer artists into context. Maybe the whole Top Ten thing will ultimately eat itself – I can hear Jimmy Carr thinking up ‘witty banter’ for ‘The Top Ten Top Tens’ – but I can see a ‘Top Ten Nokia Ringtones’ being made first.

By the way, did I mention Morrissey cam third in the Top 50 Rock icons? – Heaven knows I’m miserable now…